Trial of Life

10 Forms of Twisted Thinking

2011-02-27T21:17:00.000-08:00

By Therese J. Borchard

link: http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2011/02/26/10-forms-of-twisted-thinking/

Both David Burns (bestselling author of Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy and Abraham Low (founder of Recovery, Inc.) teach techniques to analyze negative thoughts (or identify distorted thinking — what psychologists call “cognitive distortions”) so to be able to disarm and defeat them.

Since Low’s language is a bit out-dated, I list below Burns’ “Ten Forms of Twisted Thinking,” (adapted from his “Feeling Good” book, a classic read) categories of dangerous ruminations, that when identified and brought into your consciousness, lose their power over you.

1. All-or-nothing thinking (a.k.a. my brain and the Vatican’s): You look at things in absolute, black-and-white categories.

2. Overgeneralization (also a favorite): You view a negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat.

3. Mental filter: You dwell on the negatives and ignore the positives.

4. Discounting the positives: You insist that your accomplishments or positive qualities don’t count (my college diploma was stroke of luck…really, it was).

5. Jumping to conclusions (loves alcoholic families): You conclude things are bad without any definite evidence. These include mind-reading (assuming that people are reacting negatively to you) and fortune-telling (predicting that things will turn out badly).

6. Magnification or minimization: You blow things way out of proportion or you shrink their importance.

7. Emotional reasoning: You reason from how you feel: “I feel like an idiot, so I must be one.”

8. “Should” statements (every other word for me): You criticize yourself or other people with “shoulds,” “shouldn’ts,” “musts,” “oughts,” and “have-tos.”

9. Labeling: Instead of saying, “I made a mistake,” you tell yourself, “I’m a jerk” or “I’m a loser.”

10. Blame: You blame yourself for something you weren’t entirely responsible for, or you blame other people and overlook ways that you contributed to a problem.

6 Steps to Living a Good, Happy and Long Life

2011-02-27T21:12:00.000-08:00

By John M Grohol PsyD

link: http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2011/02/25/6-steps-to-living-a-good-happy-and-long-life/

Research has shown — most recently by psychologists Friedman and Martin in The Longevity Project (2010) — that getting to a long life is really just a combination of simple, everyday things and an approach to life that some might say emphasizes a sense of resiliency and openmindedness toward our fellow human beings.

You don’t need even read a long book to understand the basic building blocks of a good, happy and long life. Five minutes of your time and this article will do just nicely.

1. Gratitude.

Find something to be grateful for each and every day of your life. Start a “gratitude journal” and keep track of what you have to be grateful for. You can write down big things or small things, such as just enjoying the warmth of the sunlight on your face. It will help you reflect and encourage a sense of gratefulness in your own life.

2. Some stress is good.

Some stress keeps us motivated and a little “hungry” for more out of our lives. People who live longer stay motivated and are always looking forward to their next accomplishment. A little stress motivates and keeps us focused.

Too much stress causes health and mental health problems. Not enough stress leads to feelings of boredom and sometimes, meaninglessness. Cultivate finding the right balance of stress in your life to keep you interested, but not feeling overwhelmed.

3. Be more conscientious, dependable and compassionate.

People who are more conscientious live longer, fuller lives. It stands to reason, because focusing on yourself and your own needs all the time makes for a very stressed-out, selfish individual. Such a person usually won’t cultivate (or even be aware of) the mutual relationships, opportunities and social sharing that looking out for your fellow human being can. “Here, let me help you with that,” means that the next time you need help, someone may be there to lend you a hand.

If a person learns they can depend upon you, it makes you more invaluable in that person’s life. We know who we can depend on in our lives and turn to them when we need help. Not only do others value dependability, one side benefit of being so is the feeling of being appreciated and bolstering our own self-esteem.

4. Use common sense.

Common sense is sometimes undervalued in our society. Common sense is severely lacking, for instance, when people try and text while driving — leading to untold number of accidents and even fatalities each year. If you want to increase your longevity in this world, put common sense and self-control to work as much as possible. Ask yourself this simple question, “Does it make sense for me to do or say this, right here, right now? Or should I wait until later, until I’ve given it more thought, or can devote my full attention to it?”

5. Hang with the right crowd.

Drug users often have a hard time breaking the habit, not just because of the drug itself, but because of the friends and environment associated with doing the drug. The actor Christian Bale portrayed this beautifully in the character he played in the move, “The Figher.” It’s not just the drug that pulls you in — it’s the old patterns and habits of hanging out with a bunch of people who have that shared drug history.

If you want to live a healthier, longer and happier life, the friends you choose are a big part of it. Join groups of people who are doing the kinds of things you’d like to do, whether it be playing golf, enjoying a hobby or outdoor activity, or playing chess. Hang out with the people who are also enjoying life in a positive and joyful manner. You’ll find that doing so “rubs off” a bit on you, and increases your own happiness levels.

6. Enjoy more experiences, not things.

Research has shown that, time and time again, money doesn’t really buy you happiness (even though most of us thinks it does). What you should put your money toward — rather than buying more stuff — are experiences or charity. Research has shown that we tend to have fonder, happier memories of times we spent with someone doing something fun (like going on a trip), than if we had bought ourselves a new flat screen TV. And when we give money to charity, it also makes us feel better about ourselves and our lives.

You don’t have to be rich to enjoy an experience or to give a little to your favorite charity. A trip to the local state park, the beach or the mountains is virtually free and all it takes. A donation of $5 will generally make you feel the same as a donation of $50 (you don’t feel 10 times better giving $50 than $5) — it’s the act of giving that seems to matter most.

Nice love poem from (allegedly) Mr. B.J. Habibie

2010-05-31T05:29:00.000-07:00

Puisi Cinta untuk Ibu Ainun

Sebenarnya ini bukan tentang kematianmu, bukan itu.
Karena, aku tahu bahwa semua yang ada pasti menjadi tiada pada akhirnya,
dan kematian adalah sesuatu yang pasti,
dan kali ini adalah giliranmu untuk pergi, aku sangat tahu itu.

Tapi yang membuatku tersentak sedemikian hebat,
adalah kenyataan bahwa kematian benar-benar dapat memutuskan kebahagiaan dalam diri seseorang,
sekejap saja, lalu rasanya mampu membuatku menjadi nelangsa setengah mati, hatiku seperti tak di tempatnya,
dan tubuhku serasa kosong melompong, hilang isi.

Kau tahu sayang, rasanya seperti angin yang tiba-tiba hilang berganti kemarau gersang.
Pada airmata yang jatuh kali ini, aku selipkan salam perpisahan panjang,
pada kesetiaan yang telah kau ukir, pada kenangan pahit manis selama kau ada,

aku bukan hendak mengeluh, tapi rasanya terlalu sebentar kau disini.
Mereka mengira aku lah kekasih yang baik bagimu sayang,

tanpa mereka sadari, bahwa kaulah yang menjadikan aku kekasih yang baik.

mana mungkin aku setia padahal memang kecenderunganku adalah mendua,
tapi kau ajarkan aku kesetiaan, sehingga aku setia, kau ajarkan aku arti cinta,
sehingga aku mampu mencintaimu seperti ini.

Selamat jalan,
Kau dari-Nya, dan kembali pada-Nya,
kau dulu tiada untukku, dan sekarang kembali tiada.
selamat jalan sayang,
cahaya mataku, penyejuk jiwaku,
selamat jalan,
calon bidadari surgaku ....

The following is my attempt to translate it to English:

Love Poem for Ibu Ainun

Actually, this is not about your death, not that
Because, I know everything that be, will come to an end eventually
And death is something for sure
And then it was your turn to go, I know that very much.

But what makes me shattered very hard
was the realization that death could really break the happiness in someone,
in a blink of eyes, the feeling could made me miserable so bad,
my heart feels away, my body feels empty, abandoned by its content.
You know dear, it felt like the wind suddenly stop and change to a dry summer.

With these falling tears, I put a long farewell on the devotion that you have engraved,
to the bitter and sweet memories when you were around.
I did not mean to complain, but it felt too brief that you were here.

They thought I was the best lover for you dear,
without they realized that you are the one who made me the faithful lover I was.
How can I be faithful when I tend to look the other way,
but you taught me faithfulness, so I became faithful,
you taught me the meaning of love,
so I can love you like this.

Good bye,
You come from God, and you will be back to Him.
You were not around for me, and you are not around for me now
Good bye my dear,
The light of my eyes, the breeze of my soul
Good bye
My angel to be in heaven…

Bagaimana Berpikir Kritis

2008-10-27T03:33:00.000-07:00

Ketika kita menerima sebuah informasi, para ilmuwan bilang kita tidak boleh menerima begitu saja informasi tersebut. Kita harus kritis dalam menerima, sehingga tidak gampang terombang-ambing dalam isu-isu yang tidak jelas.

Namun, bagaimana sih berpikir kritis itu atau bahasa sononya, critical thinking?

Mike Gene penulis buku "the design matrix: a consilience of clue" memberikannya dalam suatu daftar pendek mudah dipahami:

Lihat informasi dengan dari berbagai sumber, jangan cuma satu sumber.
Pahami dan definisikan istilah-istilah yang dipakai
Pertanyakan metode analisis yang dipakai
Pertanyakan pula kesimpulannya: apakah di dukung dengan fakta? Adakah tanda-tanda bahwa fakta tersebut bias? Ingatlah korelasi tidak selalu berarti sebab-akibat
Perhatikan asumsi-asumsi yang dipakai dan bias yang mungkin ada.
Pertanyakan sumber informasi tersebut.
Jangan berharap semua pertanyaan dapat terjawab
Carilah "the big picture"-nya
Lihat sebuah sebab dan akibat dari berbagai aspek dan sisi.
Hati-hati dengan gaya bahasa yang bersifat sensasional
Pahami pula bias dan nilai yang ada pada kita

Tapi sebagai seorang yang ingin berpikir kritis, ada baiknya kita teliti dulu, siapa itu Mike Gene si penulis buku, dan apa latar belakangnya sehingga ia bisa memberikan list semacam ini, apakah list yang dia berikan valid atau tidak berdasarkan penelitian orang lain? dll dsb pertanyaan yang harus dijawab sebagai seorang yang skeptis.

Untuk itu saya serahkan pada pembaca untuk mencari info-nya. Saya sih gak ada waktu untuk gitu-gitu :P

10 more tips for adding a little spice to your portraits

2008-07-28T21:36:00.000-07:00

Continuation of the previous post.

11. Frame Your Subject

Framing is a technique where by you draw attention to one element of an image by framing it with another element of the image.

Framing gives an image depth and draws the eye to a point of interest in the image.

You could do it by placing your subject in a window or doorway, have them look through a small gap or even use their hands around their face. See more examples of framing in photography here.

Image by darkmatter

12. Go with a Wide Angle

Shooting with a wide angle lens attached to your camera can help create some memorable shots when you’re doing portrait photography.

At very wide focal lengths you can create some wonderful distortion. It might not be the type of shot you take of your wife or girlfriend (unless she’s in a playful mood) but using these focal lengths will enlarge parts of the face or body that are on the edge of the frame more than what is in the centre.

It can also give a wide open and dramatic impact when your subject is in an impressive setting.

Image by paulbence

13. Play With Backgrounds

The person in your portrait is the main point of interest - however sometimes when you place them into different contexts with different backgrounds you can dramatically alter the mood in a shot.

Sometimes you want your background to be as minimalistic as possible.

Portrait by akbar1947

While other times a dramatic or colorful background can help your subject really stand out.

Photo by paulbence

The key is to experiment.

14. Change the Format Framing

Many photographers get stuck in a rut of only ever shooting either in ‘landscape’ (when the camera is held horizontally) or ‘portrait’ (when the camera is held vertically) modes. Look back through your images and see which one you use predominantly.

Just because a vertical framing is called ‘portrait’ mode doesn’t mean you always need to use it when shooting portraits. Mix your framing up in each shoot that you do and you’ll add variety to the type of shots you take.

Image by bikeracer

15. Hold Your Camera on an Angle

Horizontal and Vertical framings are not the only options when it comes to shooting portraits. While getting your images straight can be important in when shooting in these formats holding your camera on a more diagonal angle can also inject a little fun into your images.

This type of framing can add a sense of fun and energy into your shots. Just don’t ’slightly’ do it or you’ll have people asking themselves if you might have mistakenly held your camera crooked.

Photo by puja

16. Take Unfocused Shots

As photographers we have ’sharp focus’ drummed into us as an ultimate objective to achieve in our work - but sometimes lack of focus can create shots with real emotion, mood and interest.

There are two main strategies for taking unfocused images that work:

1. Focus upon one element of the image and leave your main subject blurred. To do this use a large aperture which will create a narrow depth of field and focus upon something in front of or behind your subject.

Photo by Jeff Kubina

2. Leave the full image out of focus. To do this again choose a wide aperture but focus well in front or behind anything that is in your image (you’ll need to switch to manual focussing to achieve this).

These kinds of shots can be incredibly dreamy and mysterious.

Portrait by peskymac

17. Introduce Movement

Portraits can be so static - but what if you added some movement into them? This can be achieved in a few ways:

Photo by Michael Sarver

by making your subject move
by keeping your subject still but having an element in the scene around them move
by moving your camera (or it’s lens to achieve a zoom burst)

Portrait by philippe leroyer

The key with the above three methods is to use a slow enough shutter speed to capture the movement.

The alternative is to have your subject obviously move fast but to use a shutter speed so fast that it ‘freezes’ their movement.

18. Experiment with Subject Expressions

In some portraits it is the expression on the face of your subject that makes the image.

Get your subject to experiment with different moods and emotions in your image. Play with extreme emotions

Portrait by carf

But also try more sombre or serious type shots

Photo by Stuck in Customs

19. Fill the Frame

One way to ensure that your subject captures the attention of the viewer of your portrait is to fill the frame with their face.

It’s not something that you’d do in every shot that you take - but if your subject is the only feature in the shot - there’s really nowhere else to look.

Portrait by kkelly2007

20. Find an Interesting Subject

I have a friend who regularly goes out on the streets around Melbourne looking for interesting people to photograph.

When he finds someone that he finds interesting he approaches them, asks if they’d pose for him, he quickly finds a suitable background and then shoots off a handful of shots quickly (if they give him permission of course).

The result is that he has the most wonderful collection of photographs of people of all ages, ethnicities and backgrounds.

While many of us spend most of our time photographing our loved ones - perhaps it’d be an interesting exercise to shoot interesting strangers once in a while?

Portrait by .mushi_king

-End of Article

10 Ways to Take Stunning Portraits

2008-07-28T21:19:00.000-07:00

Link ://digital-photography-school.com/

How do you take Portraits that have the ‘Wow’ factor?

Today and tomorrow I want to talk about taking Portraits that are a little out of the box. You see it’s all very well and good to have a portrait that follows all the rules - but it hit me as I was surfing on Flickr today that often the most striking portraits are those that break all the rules.

I want to look at some ways to break out of the mold and take striking portraits by breaking (or at least bending) the rules and adding a little randomness into your portrait photography. I’ll share ten of these tips today and a further ten tomorrow (update: you can see the 2nd part here).

1. Alter Your Perspective

Most portraits are taken with the camera at (or around) the eye level of the subject. While this is good common sense - completely changing the angle that you shoot from can give your portrait a real WOW factor.

Sample: http://flickr.com/photos/striatic/241843728/

Get up high and shoot down on your subject or get as close to the ground as you can and shoot up. Either way you’ll be seeing your subject from an angle that is bound to create interest.

Sample: http://flickr.com/photos/trishabrunner/1943335705

2. Play with Eye Contact

It is amazing how much the direction of your subject’s eyes can impact an image. Most portraits have the subject looking down the lens - something that can create a real sense of connection between a subject and those viewing the image. But there are a couple of other things to try:

A. Looking off camera - have your subject focus their attention on something unseen and outside the field of view of your camera. This can create a feeling of candidness and also create a little intrigue and interest as the viewer of the shot wonders what they are looking at. This intrigue is particularly drawn about when the subject is showing some kind of emotion (ie ‘what’s making them laugh?’ or ‘what is making them look surprised?’). Just be aware that when you have a subject looking out of frame that you can also draw the eye of the viewer of the shot to the edge of the image also - taking them away from the point of interest in your shot - the subject.

Sample: http://flickr.com/photos/monicasemergiu/234796471/in/set-72157594435810788/

B. Looking within the frame - alternatively you could have your subject looking at something (or someone) within the frame. A child looking at a ball, a woman looking at her new baby, a man looking hungrily at a big plate of pasta…. When you give your subject something to look at that is inside the frame you create a second point of interest and a relationship between it and your primary subject. It also helps create ’story’ within the image.

Sample: http://flickr.com/photos/paulbence/2607145774/

3. Break the Rules of Composition

There are a lot of ‘rules’ out there when it comes to composition and I’ve always had a love hate relationship with them. My theory is that while they are useful to know and employ that they are also useful to know so you can purposely break them - as this can lead to eye catching results.

The Rule of Thirds is one that can be effective to break - placing your subject either dead centre can sometimes create a powerful image - or even creative placement with your subject right on the edge of a shot can sometimes create interesting images.

Sample: http://flickr.com/photos/zanotti/324894615/

Another ‘rule’ that we often talk about in portrait photography is to give your subject room to look into. This can work really well - but again, sometimes rules are made to be broken.

Sample: http://flickr.com/photos/bukutgirl/135855897/in/set-72157600004824323/

4. Experiment with Lighting

Another element of randomness that you can introduce to your portraits is the way that you light them. There are almost unlimited possibilities when it comes to using light in portraits.

Side-lighting can create mood, backlighting and silhouetting your subject to hide their features can be powerful.

Sample: http://flickr.com/photos/bukutgirl/127075934/

Using techniques like slow synch flash can create an impressive wow factor.

Sample: http://flickr.com/photos/22570135@N04/2428216904/

5. Move Your Subject Out of their Comfort Zone

I was chatting with a photographer recently who told me about a corporate portrait shoot that he had done with a business man at his home. They’d taken a lot of head and shoulder shots, shots at his desk, shots in front of framed degrees and other ‘corporate’ type images. They had all turned out fairly standard - but there was nothing that really stood out from the crowd.

The photographer and the subject agreed that there were plenty of useable shots but they wanted to create something ’special’ and out of the box. The photographer suggested they try some ‘jumping’ shots. The subject was a little hesitant at first but stepped out into the uncomfortable zone and dressed in his suit and tie started jumping!

The shots were amazing, surprising and quite funny. The shoot culminated with the subject jumping in his pool for one last image!

While this might all sound a little ’silly’ the shots ended up being featured in a magazine spread about the subject. It was the series of out of the box images that convinced the magazine he was someone that they’d want to feature.

Sample: http://flickr.com/photos/trishabrunner/2247534887/

6. Shoot Candidly

Sometimes posed shots can look somewhat…. posed. Some people don’t look good in a posed environment and so switching to a candid type approach can work.

Photograph your subject at work, with family or doing something that they love. This will put them more at ease and you can end up getting some special shots with them reacting naturally to the situation that they are in. You might even want to grab a longer zoom lens to take you out of their immediate zone and get really paparazzi with them.

I find that this can particularly work when photographing children.

Sample: http://flickr.com/photos/phitar/152462547/

7. Introduce a Prop

Add a prop of some kind into your shots and you create another point of interest that can enhance your shot.

Yes you might run the risk of taking too much focus away from your main subject but you could also really add a sense of story and place to the image that takes it in a new direction and gives the person you’re photographing an extra layer of depth that they wouldn’t have had without the prop.

Sample: http://flickr.com/photos/kmtucker/527180843/

8. Focus Upon One Body Part - Get Close Up

Get a lens with a long focal length attached to your camera - or get right in close so that you can just photograph a part of your subject. Photographing a person’s hands, eyes, mouth or even just their lower body… can leave a lot to the imagination of the viewer of an image.

Sometimes it’s what is left out of an image that says more than what is included.

Sample: http://flickr.com/photos/bukutgirl/206733063/

9. Obscure Part of your Subject

A variation on the idea of zooming in on one part of the body is to obscure parts of your portrait subject’s face or body. You can do this with clothing, objects, their hands or just by framing part of them out of the image.

Doing this means that you leave a little to the imagination of the image’s viewer but also focus their attention on parts of your subject that you want them to be focused upon.

Sample: http://flickr.com/photos/bigblonde/312435398/

10. Take a Series of Shots

Switch your camera into ‘burst’ or ‘continuous shooting’ mode and fire off more than one shot at a time.

In doing this you create a series of images that could be presented together instead of just one static image.

This technique can work very well when you’re photographing children - or really any active subject that is changing their position or pose in quick succession.

Sample: http://flickr.com/photos/36425193@N00/131246453/

-End of Article

Calvin's Dad

2008-06-10T05:36:00.000-07:00

Ask Calvin's Dad
Calvin's dad answering questions, quoted from various Calvin and Hobbes books by Bill Watterson.

Q. Why does the sun set?
A. It's because hot air rises. The sun's hot in the middle of the day, so it rises high in the sky. In the evening then, it cools down and sets.
Q. Why does it go from east to west?
A. Solar wind.

Q. Why does the sky turn red as the sun sets?
A. That's all the oxygen in the atmosphere catching fire.
Q. Where does the sun go when it sets?
A. The sun sets in the west. In Arizona actually, near Flagstaff. That's why the rocks there are so red.
Q. Don't the people get burned up?
A. No, the sun goes out as it sets. That's why it's dark at night.
Q. Doesn't the sun crush the whole state as it lands?
A. Ha ha, of course not. Hold a quarter up. See, the sun's just about the same size.
Q. I thought I read that the sun was really big.
A. You can't believe everything you read, I'm afraid.

Q. How come old photographs are always black and white? Didn't they have color film back then?
A. Sure they did. In fact, those old photographs are in color. It's just that the world was black and white then. The world didn't turn color until sometime in the 1930s, and it was pretty grainy color for a while, too.
Q. But then why are old paintings in color?! If the world was black and white, wouldn't artists have painted it that way?
A. Not necessarily. A lot of great artists were insane.
Q. But... But how could they have painted in color anyway? Wouldn't their paints have been shades of gray back then?
A. Of course, but they turned colors like everything else did in the '30s.
Q. So why didn't old black and white photos turn color too?
A. Because they were color pictures of black and white, remember?

Q. Dad, will you explain the theory of relativity to me? I don't understand why time goes slower at great speed.
A. It's because you keep changing time zones. See, if you fly to California, you gain three hours on a five-hour flight, right? So if you go at the speed of light, you gain more time, because it doesn't take as long to get there. Of course, the theory of relativity only works if you're going west.

Q. Why do my eyes shut when I sneeze?
A. If your lids weren't closed, the force of the explosion would blow your eyeballs out and stretch the optic nerve, so your eyes would flop around and you'd have to point them with your hands to see anything.

Q. How do bank machines work?
A. Well, let's say you want 25 dollars. You punch in the amount and behind the machine there's a guy with a printing press who makes the money and sticks it out this slot.
Q. Sort of like the guy who lives up in our garage and opens the door?
A. Exactly.

Q. What causes the wind?
A. Trees sneezing.

Q. Why does ice float?
A. Because it's cold. Ice wants to get warm, so it goes to the top of liquids to be nearer to the sun.
Q. Is that true?
A. Look it up and find out.
Q. I should just look up stuff in the first place.

Q. How come you know so much?
A. It's all in the book you get when you become a father.

50 Amazingly Helpful Time-Tested Tips for the Kitchen

2008-06-04T10:57:00.000-07:00

Posted by Delana as Health, Home, Life

You know all of those helpful kitchen-related suggestions that old-timers are so willing to share with the younger generations? These little tips and tricks might be called “kitchen hacks” these days, but they’re still the same good old nuggets of wisdom that they always were. As with any old wives’ tale, hack, or tip, your mileage may vary. Some of these gems have been around for several lifetimes - and according to most grandmas, they really work.

1. For cleaning smelly hands after chopping onions or garlic, just rub them on a stainless steel spoon. The steel is supposed to absorb the odor.

2. Fresh coffee beans can also absorb nasty odors from your hands.

3. If you happen to over-salt a pot of soup, just drop in a peeled potato. The potato will absorb the excess salt.

4. When boiling eggs, add a pinch of salt to keep the shells from cracking.

5. Never put citrus fruits or tomatoes in the fridge. The low temperatures degrade the aroma and flavor of these persnickety fruits.

6. To clean cast iron cookwear, don’t use detergents. Just scrub them with salt and a clean, dry paper towel.

7. Will milk curdle if it is allowed to boil? It turns out that this age-old piece of wisdom isn’t true, after all. Milk that has been boiled is perfectly safe to consume.

8. To clean an electric kettle with calcium buildup on the heating element, boil a mixture of half white vinegar and half water, then empty.

9. When storing empty airtight containers, throw in a pinch of salt to keep them from getting stinky.

10. If you are making gravy and accidentally burn it, just pour it into a clean pan and continue cooking it. Add sugar a little at a time, tasting as you go to avoid over-sugaring it. The sugar will cancel out the burned taste.

11. Burned a pot of rice? Just place a piece of white bread on top of the rice for 5-10 minutes to draw out the burned flavor. Be careful not to scrape the burned pieces off of the bottom of the pan when serving the rice.

12. Before you chop chili peppers, rub a little vegetable oil into your hands and your skin won’t absorb the spicy chili oil.

13. If you aren’t sure how fresh your eggs are, place them in about four inches of water. Eggs that stay on the bottom are fresh. If only one end tips up, the egg is less fresh and should be used soon. If it floats, it’s past the fresh stage.

14. To banish ants from the kitchen, find out where they are coming in and cover the hole with petroleum jelly. Ants won’t trek through the jelly. If they are coming under a door, draw a line on the floor with chalk. The little bugs also won’t cross a line of chalk.

15. Before making popcorn on the stove or in an air popper, soak the kernels in water for 10 minutes. Drain the water, then pop as normal. The additional moisture helps the popcorn pop up quicker and fluffier with fewer “old maids.”

16. Don’t store your bananas in a bunch or in a fruit bowl with other fruits. Separate your bananas place each in a different location. Bananas release gases which cause fruits (including other bananas) to ripen quickly. Separating them will keep them fresh longer.

17. To keep potatoes from budding in the bag, put an apple in with them.

18. If you manage to have some leftover wine at the end of the evening, freeze it in ice cube trays for easy addition to soups and sauces in the future.

19. To clean crevices and corners in vases and pitchers, fill with water and drop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets. The bubbles will do the scrubbing.

20. After boiling pasta or potatoes, cool the water and use it to water your house plants. The water contains nutrients that your plants will love.

21. When you clean your fish tank, the water you drain can also be used to water your house plants. The nitrogen and phosphorus in fish droppings make aquarium water a great fertilizer.

22. When defrosting meat from the freezer, pour some vinegar over it. Not only does it tenderize the meat; it will also bring down the freezing temperature of the meat and cause it to thaw quicker.

23. The substance in onions that causes your eyes to water is located in the root cluster of the onion. Cut this part out in a cone shape, with the largest part of the cone around the exterior root section.

24. Taking the top layer off of a onion can also reduce the amount of eye-watering misery.

25. Toothpaste is a great silver cleaner.

26. Baking soda isn’t as effective a deodorizer for the fridge as that baking soda company would like you to believe. Activated charcoal is much better at absorbing fridge and freezer odors.

27. Baking soda is an extremely effective cleaner, though. Use it with vinegar to deodorize drains and clean stovetops and sinks.

28. A favorite tip of thousands of grandmas: when you nick your finger while cutting veggies, wait until the bleeding stops and paint on a layer of clear nail polish. It will keep juice out of the wound and won’t fall off into the spaghetti sauce like a bandage.

29. The jury is still out on what to put in the bag of brown sugar to keep it from going hard: a slice of apple, a piece of bread, and a shard of a terra cotta pot have all been used.

30. Got a nasty invisible splinter from your kitchen tools? Put a piece of adhesive tape on the area and then pull it off to remove the splinter.

31. When you burn yourself in the kitchen, just spread mustard on the affected area. Leave it for a while and it will ease the pain and prevent blistering.

32. For aluminum pans that are looking dull, just boil some apple peels in them. This will brighten up the aluminum and make your house smell yummy.

33. To keep cookies fresh, savvy grannies like to put some crumpled-up tissue paper in the bottom of the cookie jar.

34. If your salt is clumping up, put a few grains of rice in with it to absorb excess moisture.

35. To clean fruit stains off of your fingers, rub them with a fresh, peeled potato. White vinegar also do the trick.

36. Keep iceberg lettuce fresh in the fridge by wrapping it in a clean, dry paper towel and storing lettuce and paper towel in a sealed baggie in the fridge.

37. If your loaf of bread is starting to go stale, just put a piece of fresh celery in the bag and close it back up. For some reason, this restores a fresh taste and texture to the bread.

38. Always keep an aloe vera plant in your kitchen. It’s invaluable when you scrape your arm or burn your finger. Just break off a leaf and rub the gel from the inside on the injury.

39. When making a soup, sauce, or casserole that ends up too fatty or greasy, drop in an ice cube. The ice will attract the fat, which you can then scoop out.

40. To reuse cooking oil without tasting whatever was cooked in the oil previously, cook a 1/4″ piece of ginger in the oil. It will remove any remaining flavors and odors.

41. If your milk always goes bad before you can finish it, try adding a pinch of salt to the carton when you first open it. It will stay fresh days longer.

42. Water that has been boiled and allowed to cool will freeze faster than water from the tap. This comes in handy when you’re having a party and need ice pronto.

43. Remove tea or coffee stains from your fine china by mixing up a paste of baking soda, lemon juice, and cream of tartar. Rub it over the stains and they’ll come off easily.

44. If two drinking glasses become stuck together after stacking, it’s not impossible to unstick them. Just put ice in the inner glass and dunk the outer glass in warm water. The warm glass will expand and the cold glass will contract, making the glasses separate easily.

45. For splinters under the fingernail, soaking the affected finger in a bowl of milk with a piece of bread in it is said to draw out the splinter.

46. Did grandpa ever give you a drink of cola for an upset tummy? It turns out that this is actually a pretty effective remedy. The sugar and carbonation can soothe many tummy problems - but it can also exacerbate others.

47. Putting salty bacon on a boil is said to “draw the poison out” of boils.

48. To help old wooden drawers (without runners) open and close smoothly, rub a candle on the tracks.

49. A cotton ball soaked in white vinegar and applied to a fresh bruise will reduce the darkness of the bruise and help it disappear sooner.

50. Drinking cranberry juice and eating blueberries regularly will help stave off urinary tract infections.

Lessons for life with Takayuki Ikkaku, Arisa Hosaka and Toshihiro Kawabata

2008-02-18T21:25:00.000-08:00

A person's abilities are tested best when defending rather than attacking.

Beauty isn't something on the outside. It's your insides that count! You gotta eat green stuff to make sure you're pretty on the inside.

Deal with the consequences of your actions, 'cause life ain't no video game.

Fiery colors begin their yearly conquest of the hills, propelled by the autumn winds. Fall is the artist.

Fresh clean sheets are one of life's small joys.

Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Give a fish a man, and he'll eat for weeks!

I don't want to live in a world where I have to eat sugar-free sugar cookies.

I'm moving, but don't worry! [Someone once] told me we're all on the same planet, so I'll be okay!

I'm terribly sorry, but nature is not always family friendly.

If you stand still outside you can hear it... Winter's footsteps, the sound of falling leaves

Is the question 'Why is it bad to do bad things?' the same as asking permission?

It doesn't matter if you win or lose in the big, scary jungle of the real world. Winners and losers... Enemies and allies... We don't live in a comic book! This is the real deal.

It is hard work, but there is happiness in it.

It may stink like me, but that's what makes it so collectible!

It's takin' whatever comes your way, the good AND the bad, that give life flavor. It's all the stuff rolled together that makes life worth livin'.

Life is shaped by the people you meet every day.

Living in the ocean means never having to salt your food.

Looks are part of business. A businessman should never stand out more than his customers. His mannerisms, his clothes, everything about him... Moderation is the key.

Maybe it was only a second of your time, but you need to treasure life, every second.

Maybe it's what's inside that counts, but being told you look good feels good!

Mistakes and disappointment make the sweet things in life that much sweeter.

Some relationships start with fights... But, usually only in romantic comedies. Life's not the movies.

Sometimes being a good friend means being harsh.

That's just the way things go. We meet people, get to know them and then they get up and leave us behind.

That's the scent of dude! When you get a good stink on, you are at one with the cosmos!

The best accessory for an outfit like this is a grim-looking buddy by my side.

The less a person accomplishes in a day, the more he talks during meals.

The shortest route to getting things done is just do it.

This isn't the sort of thing you can leave to chance. You never know when you might find yourself in some sort of cake emergency.

We are like oil and water, but all my other relationships are like oil and vinegar! Delicious!

Takayuki Ikkaku, Arisa Hosaka and Toshihiro Kawabata: Animal Crossing: Wild World, 2005

Top 10 Ways to Ruin Your Night (or how to sleep well)

2007-11-13T05:21:00.000-08:00

“The worst thing in the world is to try to sleep and not to.”

- F. Scott Fitzgerald

Is a good night’s sleep the first thing you renounce when life gets too full and busy? If so, this is your wake-up call: You’re not just sabotaging your next day’s performance (news to none of us), but you’re actually harming your health.

Sleep deprivation is a serious medical risk, but few individuals are aware of that. A spate of studies is turning up clear links between inadequate sleep and obesity, as well as several related conditions: heart disease, hypertension, and type 2 diabetes.

The good news is that with sufficient shut-eye, these conditions may be reversible. Here’s a lineup of the most insidious sleep thieves — and the latest recommendations on how to bar them from your bedroom forever.

1. Bedroom Gadgets

No, not those kinds of gadgets. I’m talking about ordinary computers, BlackBerries, and TVs — all of which are probably best left outside the boudoir. Mingling electronics with your sleep site sends your body mixed messages about whether it should be turned on or off. In order to keep your bedroom a restful place, keep it free of digital devices.

2. Working Until Bedtime

Think you’ll be able to fall asleep if you move right from checking your e-mail to bed? Think again. In fact stop thinking. If you’ve got work-related matters buzzing around in your head, give them a chance to calm down before you consider sleeping. Putting a time barrier between work and sleep should ensure that you’re having sweet dreams instead of stressful nightmares.

3. Early Bedtimes

While heading to bed at 8pm might seem like an excellent way to get your sleep schedule on track, such an early bedtime will likely deter your good intentions. That’s because hitting the sack before (or too soon after) the sun has started setting usually does not align with your circadian rhythm, the body’s natural sleep-wake cycle. In order to keep pace with your circadian rhythm, experts recommend waiting until you’re drowsy to fall asleep and then waking up at the same time each morning, giving your body a set schedule to sleep by.

4. Having a Nightcap or Two

If you’re having trouble falling asleep, drinking is not the right remedy. While alcohol may feel like it’s putting you to sleep, its sedating effect won’t last the whole night. Instead, sleeping after drinking is one of the surefire ways to guarantee a miserable morning. You’ll usually get about four hours of light sleep, but wake up afterward feeling lousy and unable to fall back asleep. If you’re looking for more solid sleep that will leave you well rested, then the bar scene should not be part of your bedtime ritual.

5. An Overactive Mind

The reason you sometimes obsess over a tricky work project or an argument with your colleague when you’re trying to fall asleep: You can’t refocus your thinking at the edge of slumber the same way you can when you’re alert. People have little control over their thoughts, because they may be going in and out of a light stage of sleep, even though they think they’re awake.

When fretful, get up and go to another part of the house (but leave the lights off). Your anxious thoughts will usually stop right away. Then you can go back to bed and fall asleep. This well-studied strategy, called stimulus control, also prevents you from associating your bed with anxiety. Another tip: Set aside time early in the evening to problem solve. Write down your pressing concerns, along with a possible solution for each, a few hours before retiring.

6. Watching the Clock

Watching each minute — or second — pass by is not going to help you drift off. Instead, it will likely make you more worried about the time you’re spending without sleeping. Instead of counting the passing minutes, experts recommend getting up to do a calming activity, such as a crossword puzzle or reading a book and then heading back to bed when the drowsiness hits again. (And turn that clock face away from the bed.)

7. Sleeping too Much

If you sleep for longer than your personal optimal period, your sleep will be shallow and restless. In fact, if you oversleep for many hours, you will fall into another deep sleep in the morning. This will upset your circadian clock and you will wake up feeling absolutely whacked. If this is your problem, you can reverse the situation by keeping your time in bed to the absolute minimum and staying up a bit later at night to prolong the restful deep sleep at the beginning of the night.

8. Dark Mornings

Your morning routine can actually have a pretty big impact on your sleep success. You need to let your body know when it’s time to rise and shine and the best way to do that is by exposing yourself to some bright lights. Sleep experts recommend getting about twenty minutes of early-morning light exposure. It will let your body know that it’s time to get going and reduce drowsiness.

9. Weekend Sleep-Ins

The circadian clock reacts promptly to delays in getting up: the longer you sleep in at the weekend, the more you will pay for it on Monday. Rather wake up at about the same time and allow yourself the luxury of a short snooze during the day — or go to bed earlier if you are really short on sleep.

10. Napping During the Day

I know it may sound contradictory, but practically speaking if you sleep too long during the day, then this will disrupt night time sleep, so it’s important to find the right balance. But if you can’t find that balance you better stop napping.

If you’re tossing and turning instead of falling asleep at night, it’s probably not because the bed bugs are biting. Rather, a number of simple mistakes we make when trying to grab some shuteye are often to blame. Avoid these habits and sweet dreams should be near in your future.

--from Ririanproject.com

Success recipes most people know, but too few follow

2007-07-11T00:25:00.000-07:00

If you want to look back on a life that fills you with joy, conventional rules for success are not the place to start

Don’t chase money, power, or status. If they come to you, that’s fine. But most conventional ideas about success go wrong because they focus on outcomes instead of on the processes of living. Outcomes come around from time to time, but life itself—the process of living, acting, thinking, and being—happens all the time. No outcome is going to make a lousy, miserable process feel worthwhile.
If you hate what you do, no amount of power or money will make up for that. If your life is constantly stressful, boring, unhappy, or frustrating, how can achieving some high status once in a while make up for all the miserable days and weeks you spent getting there? It’s tempting to feel that the end will more than make up for the means; that you’ll forget the misery in the blaze of achievement. And you will—for a few moments. Then you’ll be back on the treadmill, with only the distant hope of some fresh achievement or monetary gain to console you. That’s like being a laboratory rat conditioned to unnatural behavior by occasional pellets of food.
Take whatever time you need to discover what matters to you most
Success isn’t simply a matter of money, power, or prestige. You could gain all of those and still feel that you have fallen short of what you wanted; or you could gain none of them and be blissfully happy and fulfilled. What constitutes personal success is mostly in your mind. It has much less to do with finding the best career in other peoples’ eyes, creating a killer business, or holding down a fancy job with a big salary than with achieving what really matters to you. Many people find this out too late. They struggle for years to get where other people said they should go, only to find it does little or nothing for them. Sad;y, it’s often too late by then to do anything else.
Don’t base your choices on others’ approval. We all want to please those we care about, so it’s natural to try to do what they approve. Natural, but rarely a good idea as the basis for life’s choices. I don’t say that you should deliberately ignore sound advice, or reject a career path simply because other people suggest it. But even the most loving parent or friend can’t always see what is going to make your heart sing. Listen to others. Value their input and their support. But go your own way. It’s better to be committed to doing what you truly love than accept something lesser for the sake of being approved by someone else.
Stay authentic. That means always doing what truly matters to you and is part of who you are. The simplest definition of a hypocrite is someone who says one thing and does another: like a person who says that he or she wants to work at something that benefits society, then forgets that at the first sight of a fistful of dollar bills. Somewhere inside of you is a part that recalls what truly matters and will never quite let you forget it. Over the years, that inner voice is only going to get louder.
Go for meaning over money every time. It’s perfectly possible to do something meaningless to you and earn a great deal of cash while doing so. Some people do, especially in parts of the media world. It just requires a stronger stomach and more cynicism that most people possess, plus a huge tolerance for boredom.
Is it worth it? If money is truly all that matters to you—and you can make lots of it quickly and get out—it might be. Few areas of work will allow you to do that, aside from criminal ones. Meaningless days corrode most peoples’ minds and destroy their happiness. Doing something that means a great deal to you almost always makes you feel energized and alive. It’s your choice.
Be endlessly greedy—for learning. You can never learn too much or overfill your mind with new ideas. Nothing is more useful in life than a well-developed, well-stocked mind, especially one that has been broadened and enlarged in the process. It’s hard to name a single famously successful person who was narrow-minded, bigoted, or stupid. The list of notable successes who are recognized for the power of their minds is long. And you don’t have to have had an expensive education to be able to develop a great mind. There have been plenty of near geniuses whose education was almost entirely self-produced.
Make a friend of failure. You are certain to fail sometimes, and the higher your aspirations, the more frequent and significant that failure will be. People who don’t strive for anything glorious rarely fail; they take no risks and never aim beyond what is easily attainable. But if you treat failure as an enemy, it’s going to lead only to discouragement and even the abandoning of your hopes and dreams. Failure can be a friend, pointing out what isn’t right yet and showing you the way to do better. The more proficient you become at accepting the lessons of failure, the quicker you will succeed.
Make sure that every time you make a mistake, it’s a new one. Making the same mistake several times shows that you haven’t learned what it can teach you. Making new mistakes proves that you’re trying something different. The best definition of a loser is someone who makes the same mistakes over and over again, never managing to learn anything in the process. Such a person is doomed.
Choose to spend your time with the right people. I don’t mean that in the sense of the rich and the powerful, the movers and shakers of society. Whether they’re powerful or not, the best people to spend time with are those from whom you can learn most: the ones whose own lives have brought them joy and endless fulfillment. That means people who do what they love and love what they do. People who have become experts in life, thinking people, people with wide-open minds and wide-open hearts.
Seek them out wherever you can. Listen to them. Never mind if they are no longer living. Read their books and emulate their largeness of spirit. Learn from them all, but don’t simply copy what they did in this world. What they did was right for them, but may not be right for you. What you need to use as models are their ways of thinking and responding to the challenges of the world; the process of their lives, not what it happened to contain.
Drop whatever is inconsistent with these principles. That means all activities that don’t move you forward towards what you value most; things that get in the way of learning; pursuits that waste time and dull your senses; and people who hold you back. You may sometimes have to be ruthless. Each of us has only one life. If you waste it, you don’t get another chance. Besides, if you have chosen your dreams and aspirations wisely, what you must leave behind by dropping what’s inconsistent with those dreams will not be worth worrying about anyway. Those who make bad choices find, too late, that they have abandoned things and people that meant more to them than whatever they gained in exchange. If that happens, you have truly reached one of life’s lowest points.

Adrian Savage

10 things your boss hates you to do

2007-05-03T08:45:00.000-07:00

"Now, people may be brought in [as bosses] who are seen as the 'young whippersnappers' or 'from outside' so there is much more resentment than there used to be - which makes it much difficult to manage effectively."

And that's not all. In the days before open-plan offices and team-bonding days, managers were better protected from us oiks. "Managers used to be more remote, with their own staffrooms and canteens, and there used to be more middle management," Mann says.

"But now, they are expected to be the authority figure and 'one of the lads' as it were, and it's not always easy to get that balance right."

The result of all this is that while your boss might look like she's fine, inside she's seething. You think you hate your boss? Here are the top 10 things your boss hates about YOU.

1. Lateness

Everyone has days when the bus breaks down, the washing machine packs up, or the alarm doesn't go off. The problem is that some people have those days Monday through Friday. But what really cheeses off your boss is your lame excuse. "It shows you don't care," says Louis Halpern, CEO at advertising agency Halpern Cowan. "Why they can't just tell you that they find it hard to get out of bed and be done with it I don't know. It really makes me furious."

2. Lack of initiative

"Don't ask me if you should buy lunch for the client, if the client is coming at noon," said one infuriated manager. "Call up the client and ask if they want lunch." Actually that's not quite what he said: there was a lot more swearing in the original version. Managers absolutely hate being bothered by stuff that really, if you thought about it for even a second, you could work out for yourself. They also hate constant updates and being CCd in on everything. They pay you to do a job - get on with it...

3. Too much initiative

... unless you're an idiot. A marketing manager for a large educational charity reports that if there's one thing worse than lack of initiative, it's completely ignoring instructions to go off and do something else instead. She recently found herself on stage, ready to announce the winner of an award. When the person responsible for counting the votes turned up, he showed off a new, whizzy and completely redundant colour-coded method for counting the votes. Unfortunately, devising the new programme meant he hadn't actually had time to ... count the votes.

4. Bitching and whining

So Julie from third floor might not have said hello to you this morning, and that might well be because she's an unfriendly cow, but in the context of say, the war in Iraq, does it really merit a four-hour disquisition? Your boss doesn't think so. On the other hand, while bitching is bad, whining is worse. "What really annoys me is when we buy new equipment or take everyone out, and all I hear the next day is 'We should have bought a bigger TV' or 'We could have gone to a nicer restaurant'" says Halpern. "And that's when we've spent £5,000."

5. Disloyalty

Although none of the managers came out and said that they hated their staff for talking over them in meetings, pointing out their errors in public, or preventing the bonus-related project coming in on time, Mann says it's a major issue. "People used to close ranks, but it doesn't happen quite as much as it used to," she says. "Managers usually feel obliged to look after their staff, but if their staff don't feel the same way, the lack of loyalty is always a problem for the boss."

6. Lack of passion. Or interest

It might come as a surprise to you, but your boss has a life outside work. They too find it hard to get up in the morning. And they find the managing director's speeches as boring as you do. But they have to stay motivated, because they are the boss. So, when you fall asleep in meetings, can't remember the names of your accounts and tell them it doesn't matter whether the email goes today or tomorrow, it reminds them that they don't really give a toss either, but that it's their job to make themselves, and you, care. Then they get really, really irritated.

7. Trying to be their best friend

They don't want to go down the pub with you, they don't want to hear about what you really think of their boss, and they most certainly don't want to know what happened between you and Andy in the loos last Friday. They like you, but they know from bitter experience that if they show too much interest, you'll start treating them like a friend and refuse to take orders.

8. Petty lying

Saying that you missed the call because your mobile has run out of power. That you didn't get the email. That you've sent the report but there must be a technical glitch. That the meeting has run over and it's not worth you coming back to the office. That you've lost two big taxi receipts. That you're working from home today. That you have to go to a funeral, the dentist, the doctor, your mum's house, your best friend's cousin's wedding. Whatever. The biggest insult is that you think they believe you.

9. Childishness

I'm paraphrasing, but the key message here is: "I'm not your mum. Don't email me about the brand of toilet paper in the loo. Don't leave the kitchen in a mess. Don't ask me for a new biro. I'm not going to clean up after you and I don't care about this crap." You get the idea.

10. Wanting their job

They spend all their time and energy trying to protect you from the higher-uppers, you spend all your energy complaining about them. And then, on top of that, you want their job? Unforgivable.

Puisi Bagus

2007-05-03T08:42:00.000-07:00

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms,
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers.
Thanks to your love a certain fragrance,
risen darkly from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride,
so I love you because I know no other way than this:
where "I" does not exist, nor "you,"
So close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
So close that your eyes close and I fall asleep.

-Pablo Neruda

How to Command Respect through Body Language

2007-04-08T01:20:00.000-07:00

Some people are the center of attention wherever they go. They’re not glamorous movie stars, just ordinary people with excellent command over their body language. Here are some pointers to help you emulate these confident people and command respect from those around you.

Improve your standing…

Posture can say a lot about a person. Confident people seem to naturally stand tall, while those who slouch look like they're down on themselves. Be sure that you're presenting yourself in a way that commands respect.

What to do:

1. Stand tall, even if you’re the shortest person in the room. Keeping your shoulders pushed back will lend you an air of confidence.
2. Spread your weight evenly on both feet instead of leaning on one. You don’t need to stand at perfect attention, just keep your feet apart so you balance well.
3. Take your hands out of your pockets, or you may be seen like you've got something to hide. Hold them loosely by your side.
4. Stand with your arms crossed behind your back. Your shoulders will get pulled back automatically.

What not to do:

5. Don’t stand with your hands on your hips if you don’t want to come across as confrontational.
6. Don’t shuffle your feet. Pick your feet up and move like you know where you're going.
7. Don’t fidget with your feet. Drawing patterns with one foot on the floor shows you’re not interested in what’s going on.
8. Don't lean against walls or tables. You'll appear tired and lazy.
9. Don’t turn away from the person you’re talking to in the middle of the conversation, otherwise you'll show you’re not interested in continuing it.

Eye contact…

When holding a conversation, the person you're speaking with should focus on your eyes. They indicate your emotions and can show whether you're paying attention or not. Be considerate of what your eyes tell about you: show others respect and you'll get respect in return.

What to do:

10. Look directly at the person you are talking to in order to exude confidence.

What not to do:

11. Don’t shift your attention to other people or things in the room. It shows deceit.
12. Be careful not to glare at the person talking to you. You may think you look intensely interested, but you just look mad.
13. Don’t blink excessively. People will be distracted and wonder if there's something wrong with you.
14. If you wear glasses, don’t look over the rim. It makes you look condescending.
15. Never wear sunglasses inside, especially during a meeting. Others will wonder if you have something to hide.
16. Don’t look at your watch unless you want to appear as if you're in a rush.
17. Don't rub your eyes with your hands: it signals disbelief at the situation.
18. When you pinch the bridge of your nose with your eyes closed, you'll come across in a negative manner.
19. Keeping your eyes on the door will show that you’re ready to leave the room.

Sitting pretty…

Your posture while sitting is just as important as standing. Your level of interest in a conversation can be easily read by the position you sit in. Be careful to position yourself in a way that shows you're powerful and actively engaged in what others have to say.

What to do:

20. Sit straight so that your shoulders touch the back of your chair. Slouching promotes the image of laziness.
21. Rest your hands on the arms of your chair, place them on your knees, or fold them on your lap so that they are not a distraction.
22. Make sure your chair is positioned so you’re facing the person you’re talking to. This will show that you're engaged in what they are saying.
23. Lean slightly forward to appear interested in a conversation and stress what you’re saying.

What not to do:

24. Don’t cross your ankles. Some people think it’s a sign that you’ve got something to hide. Sit with your feet on the floor to minimize distractions.
25. Don’t tilt your chair back so that it’s standing on two legs. This shows a very casual, laid back attitude and does not earn you respect. You also run the risk of looking silly when you accidentally fall backwards.
26. Don’t cross your arms across your body. You may come across as disinterested.
27. Stretching your legs out shows you're too relaxed and may also invade others' personal space.
28. Never put your feet up on the desk in front of you. You don’t want to come across as condescending.
29. Ladies, be cautious when crossing your legs. If you'll expose things that are better left to the imagination, refrain from doing so.

Heading for victory…

The position of your head, the frequency of your breaths, even yawning are indicators of your level of interest in a conversation. Take care to avoid looking as if you're bored or disinterested. If you seem to be involved in what others have to say, they will naturally offer the same to you and build mutual respect.

What to do:

30. Tilting your head to one side during a conversation shows you’re interested and thinking about what's being said.
31. Take regular, even breaths. Heavy breaths are a sure sign that you’re nervous.
32. Be sure to nod your head so the person you're speaking with knows you're listening and interested.

What not to do:

33. Massaging your temples shows you’re either at your wits’ end or that you have a severe headache.
34. Don’t swallow too often; it gives away the fact that you’re not comfortable with the situation.
35. Yawning is an involuntary sign from your body saying that your brain’s bored. You may not have much control over it, but yawning in the middle of a conversation will give away the fact that you’d rather be somewhere else.
36. A blank face conveys either disinterest or a lack of understanding.

Walking into the limelight…

Carrying yourself in a confident manner is key to commanding respect. Give the impression that you're walking with a purpose so that you'll be admired by others.

What to do:

37. Walk, don’t run. Take even strides.
38. Look ahead or in front of you, not at the floor when you walk.

What not to do:

39. Don’t walk with a swagger; it indicates that you’re cocky and have an attitude.
40. Be careful not to shove people aside as you move across a crowded place: no one respects a rude person.
41. Similarly, avoid stepping on others' toes.

Win, hands down...

Hand gestures are great for getting attention or making a point, but be sure that you're not creating a distraction. You want attention to be on your eyes and face while speaking, not on what your hands are doing. Command respect and control the interest of the conversation by keeping your hands in check.

What to do:

42. Open, face-up palms signal honesty and straightforwardness.
43. Gesturing with your arms can help you make a point, but don't do so much that it's distracting.
44. When you stroke your chin, it shows you’re trying to make a decision. Be sure that you want others to know that's what you're doing.
45. Making a steeple out of your hands makes a good impression, as it demonstrates confidence.
46. Shake hands firmly: not too tight or too limp. You don’t want to crush the other person’s hands or come across as unsure of yourself.
47. If the situation calls for paperwork, be sure to keep your papers in order with easy access to avoid looking disorganized.
48. Make sure your palms are clean and dry. Sweaty palms indicate nervousness and are a turn off for most people.
49. If you’re trying to convince someone of your sincerity, touch your open palm to your heart.
50. Rolling up your sleeves signals a casual, get-down-to-work attitude. Roll them up or down according to the situation.
51. Removing your tie, top button, or jacket to indicate you’re getting comfortable in your surroundings.

What not to do:

52. Don’t clench your fists. You'll come off as aggressive.
53. Never point at someone, be it the person talking to you or anyone else in the room. It’s rude.
54. Don’t play or fidget with your mobile phone when someone’s talking to you. It shows avoidance and a lack of interest.
55. Don’t wring your hands: it signals despair.
56. Don’t scratch your head. You'll come across as being unsure of yourself.
57. Don’t touch your nose, play with your hair, or rub your eyes when you’re being asked for an honest answer. They’re all signs that say you’re lying.
58. Don’t tap your fingers on a table or arms of a chair; you'll seem anxious.
59. Don’t run your fingers through your hair. It shows frustration.
60. Don’t doodle on the notepad in front of you, as this indicates boredom.
61. Closing an open mouth with your hands shows you’re shocked at what’s been said or what you’ve seen.
62. Never bite your nails. It will make you seem nervous.
63. Don’t fidget with objects lying on the table in front of you.
64. Don’t chew on a pencil or pen when talking to someone. It's unattractive and distracting.
65. Don’t sit with your palms on your cheeks. It shows you’re deep in thought about something else.
66. Don’t clench the arms of your chair or your handbag too tightly. You'll portray yourself as nervous.
67. Don’t rub your hands together: it shows you're too eager.
68. Avoid a two-handed handshake. It’s usually connected to politicians who are not very sincere.
69. Do not wipe your palms on your clothing. Use a handkerchief instead.
70. If you pull at your ear, you may indicate that you're lying.
71. Don’t shake your fists at someone, as it is extremely aggressive.
72. Clenched fists raised in the air will indicate that you’re overjoyed or thrilled. Avoid doing this when situations call for restraint.

A matter of manners...

Practicing common courtesy is a basis for earning respect from others. If you're rude, people will avoid talking and working with you. Be polite to ensure you're putting your best foot forward.

What to do:

73. When you need to offer comfort, a one-armed squeeze, gentle hug, or a pat on the shoulder helps, depending on how close you are to the other person.
74. Open doors and allow others to walk before you.
75. Cough and sneeze into your hands or a handkerchief, not into the face of the people around you.

What not to do:

76. A handshake that goes on for an extended period of time may be considered inappropriate.
77. Ruffling someone’s hair may seem like you’re being genuinely affectionate, but in a formal setting, it suggests you’re being condescending.
78. Don’t shout when you’re on the phone. Talk in a calm, volume-controlled voice.
79. Don’t huddle into a corner with your mobile phone while in a crowd of people. Get out and mingle instead. Keep your private conversations for a time when you’re alone.
80. Don’t mock someone’s mannerisms when you think they’re not watching.
81. Avoid taking a phone call when you're in the middle of a discussion.
82. If you have a cold, don’t blow your nose loudly in public.
83. Never wipe your nose with your hands or sleeves.
84. Don’t scratch your itches, not matter how much you’re tempted to. You'll make people wonder if you have a rash.
85. Don’t multi-task in the middle of a conversation. It doesn't show dexterity, only callousness.
86. Don’t slam doors, no matter how angry you are.
87. Don’t snap or clap your hands to call someone over.
88. Don’t burp/belch loudly in public.
89. Don’t lick your lips too often. You may jut be wetting them, but it indicates nervousness, or worse, sexual aggression.
90. Don’t make faces or stick your tongue out behind someone’s back. It’s childish and rude.

Take a good look at yourself...

Carefully examining the way you present yourself can help you discover areas in which you may need improvement. Carefully groom your mannerisms and outward appearance to make your best impression and command respect.

What to do:

91. Practice your mannerisms in front of a mirror so that you can discover your weak areas.
92. Additionally, try videotaping your actions so you can find out where you’re going wrong.
93. Look at others who command respect and imitate their actions.
94. Look good. You don’t have to be conventionally handsome or beautiful; it’s enough to dress neatly in clothes that suit both you and the occasion.
95. Smell good. Use deodorant and perfume, but go easy on it. You don’t want to overpower the room with your scent.
96. Keep your fingernails clean. Close cropped nails show you’re neat and orderly, but if you prefer to wear them long, make sure they’re groomed neatly.
97. Wear footwear that allows you to walk comfortably to avoid making a fool of yourself.
98. Keep your work area and personal space neat and tidy. Avoid clutter and dust.

What not to do:

99. Avoid revealing, dirty or wrinkled clothing.
100. Don't wear too much makeup. Keep it to a minimum.

101. And last, but not least, always smile. Smiles are contagious. When you smile, others can't help but smile back and feel positively towards you.

People Handling Lessons

2007-03-22T11:40:00.000-07:00

Part One

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
Give honest and sincere appreciation.
Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Part Two

Six ways to make people like you

Become genuinely interested in other people.
Smile.
Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.

Part Three

Win people to your way of thinking

The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."
If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
Begin in a friendly way.
Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.
Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
Appeal to the nobler motives.
Dramatize your ideas.
Throw down a challenge.

Part Four

Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

A leader's job often includes changing your people's attitudes and behavior. Some suggestions to accomplish this:

Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
Let the other person save face.
Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise."
Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

Taken from:
Dale Carnegie (1936) How to Win Friends and Influence People.

--end--

Sajak Bagus dari Cecep S.Hari

2007-03-01T02:48:00.000-08:00

KENANG-KENANGAN

Bagaimana harus kuucapkan pengakuan ini: Aku jatuh cinta
berulangkali pada matamu, danau dalam hutan di negeri ajaib
yang jauh menyelusup dalam ingatan itu.
Berabad-abad yang lalu, kuucapkan selamat tinggal pada apa pun
yang berbau dongeng, atau masa silam.
Tetapi cinta,bukan sebotol coca cola. Atau film Disney;
di sana tokoh apa pun tak pernah mati.
Juga bukan Rumi yang menari. Sebab pada matamu bertemu semua musim,
sejarah, dan sesuatu yang mengingatkan aku
pada suatu hari ketika waktu berhenti, dan kusapa engkau
mesra sekali. Kini, bahkan wajahmu samar kuingat
kembali. Haruskah kuucapkan pengakuan ini: Aku jatuh cinta
berulangkali pada matamu, danau dalam hutan di negeri ajaib
yang jauh menyelusup dalam ingatan itu. Tetapi cinta,
bukan sekotak popok kertas. Atau sayap
sembilan puluh sembilan burung Attar yang terbakar. Cinta,

barangkali, kegagapanku mengecup sepasang alismu

1994

Beautiful Poem by Cecep S.Hari

2007-03-01T02:39:00.000-08:00

Translated by me:

Cecep Syamsul Hari

REMINISCENCE

How should I say this: I fall in love
with your eyes over and over again,
lakes inside a forest in the wonderland
that seek deep inside the memory. Hundreds of years ago, I said goodbye to everything
that smelled like fairy tales, or the past. But love,

is not a bottle of Coca-Cola. Or a Disney movie;
in there nobody ever dies.
It is not a dancing Rumi too. Because in your eyes met all seasons, history, and something that reminds me

that one day when time stopped, and I greeted you
so intimately. Now, even your face I dimly recall.
Should I say this confession: I fall in love
with your eyes over and over again, lakes inside a forest in the wonderland
that seek deep inside the memory. But love,
is not a box of diapers. Or wings of ninetynine flaming Attar birds. Love,

probably, is when I stuttered to kiss your pair of eyes.

High School Essays

2006-12-19T19:14:00.000-08:00

The remarks below are taken from actual high school essays in the US of A. They were collected by English teachers there. These kids are very funny, they will have bright futures.. as comedians :D

<--Begin

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

End-->

What do you think?

How to recognize signature

2006-07-01T17:43:00.000-07:00

graphologists look at a variety of data, including:

* the slant of the handwriting
* the "baseline"--studying whether it's even, or has an upward or downward stroke
* margins (does the writer crash into the edge of the page?)
* spacing between words and letters
* pressure used to write
* letter size
* writing speed
* letter proportions (are the letters biggest on top, in the middle, or at the bottom?)
* whether letters or individual words are printed or written in script
* what kinds of strokes connect the letters

Me according to perex.com

2006-06-21T08:37:00.000-07:00

Personality Expert (perex.com)

You are realistic, outspoken, direct, objective, practical, optimistic, adaptable. You are a fun person to know. You don’t mince words. People always know exactly where you stand and the way you present what you think often makes people laugh. You state the direct facts so objectively that even the most sensitive types usually aren’t offended when your statement reflects negatively on them.

You like your work to be exciting and new and open to your creative touch. More than other types you get bored quickly when dealing with the mundane and routine and are first to notice an opportunity for stimulation. As a child you were excited, high energy and curious and possibly mistakenly mislabeled as “hyperactive” or “unfocused.”

You get impatient when subjected to long theoretical explanations and prefer that people stick to the facts and get directly to the point.

Your are skilled with equipment, and excel at making events sound interesting or points seem obvious.

Of all types, you are the most likely to know where the action is. You are smooth and sophisticated, knowing what to say to who to get what you want.

You rely on yourself and trust common sense to get things done in nearly all circumstances. You are concerned with what works rather than what meets social norms, although you know how to use social norms to your advantage when that’s what works.

You don’t get sentimentally attached to items or procedures the way other people do. This makes you particularly inventive because everything is negotiable on every new project.

---hmmmm----

Some movies I'd like to watch

2006-06-21T08:25:00.000-07:00

Beberapa dari 100 film terlaris Amrik yg belum aku lihat:
(dan mungkin pengen nonton..)

Gone With the Wind (1939)
The Fugitive (1993)
The Lion King (1994)
The Sixth Sense (1999)
The Perfect Storm (2000)
The Exorcist (2000)
Dr. Seuss' How The Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)
Meet the Parents (2000)
Signs (2002)
Elf (2003)
Chicago (2003)
The Passion of the Christ (2004)

Indonesian Movies

1. Rindu Kami Padamu (2004:Garin Nugroho)****
2. Virgin (2004:Hanny Saputra)***
3. Tentang Dia (2005:Rudy Sujarwo)**
4. Ketika (2005:Dedy Mizwar)***
5. Janji Joni (2005:Joko Anwar)****
6. Gie (2005:Riri Riza)**
7. Realita, Cinta dan Rock 'n Roll (2006:Upi)****

My Girl Friend

2006-06-17T08:14:00.001-07:00

-MeineFreundin,
-il mio amico di ragazza,
-mon amie,
-mi amigo de muchacha

-Und auch anderer Freund nicht insbesondere
-Et galement l'autre ami pas en particulier.

How is this for a title?

2006-06-16T21:22:00.000-07:00

I created this blog so I can try and modify new templates that attract me. So if you see that this blog layout changes from time to time, that's me working.

Enjoy the colourful world of blogger templates.

Matahari